Annie D (clearblacklines) wrote,
Annie D
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Live post: The Brave Little Toaster

This is a live post! I'm typing this as I watch The Brave Little Toaster for the first time EVAH. Thanks to lady_amasis and all the other people who "recced" this movie. I was too curious not to check it out.

This is my real-time response to watching the movie, so spoilers, naturally.



START!

Err, these opening credits are creepy. Sudden flashback to Faerie Tale Theatre's Rip Van Winkle.

Anthropomorphic inanimate objects! Okay, hmm, they're waiting for their Master. What, they've been waiting for two thousand days? That's at the very least 6 years... So the Master should be in his teens about now.

Okay, roll call: Toaster, Radio, Lamp Light, Blanket, Vacuum and Air-conditioner.

Blanket gets a creepy possessed vibe and says softly: "A car." Which is quite possibly the freakiest line I've ever heard in a kid's movie. It's all in the delivery. Haley Joel Osment and Heather O'Rourke would be proud.

There's a car coming, but is it the Master? Okay, so it isn't. GYAH, Blanket's obsessive love with the Master is, uh, creepy, to say the least. I've seen inanimate objects get attached to their Masters before (hello, Toy Story), but this is bordering on religious fanaticism.

... Which is made all the more worse because Blanket is crying, and he's obviously supposed to be a child.

Air-conditioner! Sexy voice, plenty of disdain in his delivery. Hmm, Air-cond hates everyone plus the Master. AHA! It's the freakout I was warned about, talk about being a drama llama -- WHOA, HE KILLS HIMSELF? Suicide in a kid's movie!

Another car's coming! Hah, called it! Turned out to be some dude putting a "For Sale" sign.

Here we go, the objects all rally together to leave the house of find the Master.

Okay, so they're jacking a battery to the Vacuum Cleaner so to power their way cross-country. Why do I get the awful feeling that this is going to end badly? Do I still want to watch this? Yeah, I still want to watch this. (I just realised that Vacuum Cleaner's name is Kirby, but I'm gonna keep calling him Vacuum Cleaner.)

Classic pretty background art! I like.

Hey, a song sequence! Feels out of place, though.

Sleeping for the night, more arguing... Talk about a Fellowship that can't get along. AWW Toaster doesn't let Blanket snuggle up to him! That's mean of you, Toaster. :(

They stumble upon a meadow of musically-inclined animals... Toaster meets a flower... THE FLOWER DIES! WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? That makes this movie's deathcount TWO. And both are on-screen!

Wait, what was the point of that meadow scene? They didn't learn anything useful, didn't meet anyone that could help them, didn't converse with any of the animals... Did some studio bigwigs decide that the movie wasn't cute enough and told them to throw a bunch of fuzzy animals in? Because really, that didn't make any sense.

Ohoho! The objects reach a dark and scary forest... which somehow doesn't seem so scary after some of the other things this movie has done. Blah, MORE arguing. This is getting old, and fast. Yeah yeah yeah, they can't get along. Ah, Blanket makes a camp, stopping the argument and letting everyone sleep. Wait, what this? Lamp Light asks Toaster accusingly why he's suddenly being nice to Blanket? Talk about an attitude problem... Does this foreshadow something? Sleepy time!

Hey, the Toaster dream sequence. Guess that answers the questions whether toasters dream of HOLY FUCK A CLOWN!!!!!! A SCARY CLOWN!!!! WHAT THE HELL, MOVIE!!!!!! DON'T YOU WANT ME TO FINISH WATCHING THIS??????

Okay, I purposely didn't pay attention for a bit.

Toaster wakes up, there's a storm, and Blanket gets blown away! What the hell, the BABY of the group gets blown away! AND THE BATTERY IS DEAD, WHAT DID I TELL YOU? What is Lamp Light doing, he's just -- OH MY GOD HE JUST SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO RECHARGE THE BATTERY I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY JUST KILLED ANOTHER CHARACTER.

Oh. He didn't die, he just got electrified really badly. Still, I feel only a little bit better.

Vacuum Cleaner saves Blanket, who's stuck on a tree. Aww shucks, Vacuum's a cranky old codger, he doesn't let Blanket be grateful.

They reach a waterfall... Vacuum Cleaner chokes on his own chord and shorts out. I... I don't think I have it in me to be shocked anymore. Ah, he turns out to be okay, just really really angry. Okay, really angry. And mean. Wait, is he just pretending?

They work together to cross a chasm... Finally, some character development. Oh WHOOPS everyone falls off the cliff into the river except Vacuum Cleaner... Who looks around nervously, realising he's alone in a strange place, far away from home and a power source. Haha, Vacuum Cleaner jumps off the cliff into the river as well! And saves everyone! Heroism! Is he still going to be cranky... Ah, he is, but he's obviously pretending now. *phew*

The big question now: are they still okay, being electrical appliances?

Toaster takes a moment to be emo.

Vacuum Cleaner falls in the swamp! And gets sucked in! Then Lamp Light, and Blankie, then Toaster... everyone's just going down, aren't there? Radio's the last one in! The amount of peril in this movie is exhausting.

WHAT. A human finds the objects and pulls them out. MWAHAHA, he has a monster truck. Talk about deux ex machina. Okay, this human does look a little like the Master with the glasses, but he's a bit too old, I think. He brings the objects to his workshop and leaves them there. How convenient!

Scary Stereotype Lamp gives a subtle word of warning... Are they not as safe as they think they are? Of course not. OHOHOHO he's one of those guys who disembowels electrical appliances. Creepy music! Creepy lighting! Shots that make deliberately make it look like this guy is a mad surgeon.

The workshop objects laugh at our heroes for wanting to escape. Music sequence! It's a song dedicated to the disembowelment and carnage. Hey, this is a pretty catchy tune... Wait, did they shout-out horror B-movies?

You know, at this point I have to wonder what the pitch for this movie must've been like.

LOL, the heroes work together to scare the workshop owner, and he hits a beam and faints. It's a breakout! All the objects flee. The heroes take with them a wheeled pram, to make it easier to movie, and oh, they've reached the city.

Scene change. Ohhhh the Master's grown up and getting ready to leave for college. OH THAT IS EVIL, the Master's going to the cabin to pick up his old things. XD His name's Rob, and his girlfriend's name is Chris. Uh-oh, some of the shinier objects are upset the Master's taking his "old" things instead of them.

Heh heh! The objects head to the City and pass by Master in his car, neither seeing the other.

Hey, this actually means that it would've been a better idea to just stay put at the cabin. Blame the Toaster! Okay okay, Toaster couldn't have known, and this movie is being so subversive that if they had stayed at the cabin, the Master wouldn't have gone back to get his things.

The objects arrive at Master's apartment... This is going to end well. The door opens and the purple lamp Plugsy lets them in. Uh-oh! Aww, they're reunited with an old friend, a old-fashioned Television. The new objects confront the old objects... Song time? Song time. The new objects show off how much more advanced they are... Though it's interesting to think that even these advanced objects will become defunct with time and become exactly what they hate.

Ah, I see now. It's a criticism of materialism.

The heroes all get thrown out the window in the garbage. Gyaaaaah.

Back the cabin: Master is peeved that someone messed up the cabin and stole all his stuff. And he fixes the Air-conditioner! Whoa, okay, Air-conditioner didn't die. Cross off that suicide, then. Master drives back home, and of course, he misses the heroes as they're sent to the garbage disposal site.

Master doesn't want his mum's new stuff, so he wants to buy some old cheap stuff. Television promotes "Ernie's Disposal Site", where the objects are.... Yay, go Television!

At the disposal site: another song, this one about cars singing about their lives before being crushed in the metal crusher. I kinda see a theme now... All the songs except the first are meant to be really depressing.

Master and girlfriend arrive at the disposal site! In the nick of time! Will they make it off the conveyer belt in time? GO GO GO GO GO GO WHOOPS HE MISSED THEM GO GO OMG GO GO GO GYAAAAA MISSED THEM AGAIN THIS MOVIE IS TRULY AN EXERCISE IN BREAKING YOUR HEART

Finally Master sees the objects, woo hoo! And he's happy!

Wait, why has the picture gone all red?

Master is about to get crushed! Oh noes! TOASTER IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING AWFUL ISN'T (S)HE?

HE DOES. Toaster gets crushed in the gears! And saves the day!

*exhales* All the objects are reunited with Master, so I guess that counts as a happy ending. Huh, that was sudden. No milking of emotional value, considering all that build up? Just a shot of the objects happily going off with Master to college, and then we're out. So it's a happy ending.

FOR NOW.

I'm exhausted.
Tags: brave little toaster
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